the Mouth speaks!
This is a verse taken from the word of God. "From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks!" I have always heard it said that whatever you "put in" is what "comes out."
I would like to think that there is nothing but good inside of me. I am a Christian, I go to church, I read Gods word, which I should read more, and I know right from wrong, etc. But sometimes there are words that I allow to come out that make me disappointed in myself and second guess [what?] I am "putting in." I'm being honest with you here!
The main time this happens is when I am sleepy. We go to bed and then in the wee hours of the morning Corban starts crying. His crying is a SCREAMING crying. He starts and it goes on for up to 30 minutes. Sometimes I can't take it because my body is craving for sleep and I think by now our Son should not be waking up wanting food or wanting attention and heck it was only the night before that he woke up doing the same thing. If I do get up to get him to give him some milk in hopes that he will fall fast to sleep he only takes a sip.
When he starts screaming crying, I start getting frustrated. I lay there in bed wondering why can't he just sleep through the night! He is too old to be waking up! By now we are all awake and I am really aggravated and I do at times allow myself to say words that I quickly regret, curse words, all because my body is tired. The words are nothing against Corban and I am not mad at him or at Jennifer it's just the fact of being woke up...again...in the wee hours of the morning for no reason. All I want to do is sleep! All I want is for Corban to sleep! Why do I act this way?
Like I said, as quick as I say the things I shouldn't I quickly regret it. There is no reason for my reaction! There is no excuse for it! Then why, even when I know this, do I do it.
Lord, again, I ask for your forgiveness. I love the son that you have blessed us with and the child that is on the way. God, I want to be the Dad that Corban and baby #2 can be proud of. I want to be the Husband that Jennifer can be proud of. Lord, when my mouth opens I want the words of life, praise, and edification to pour out to those that I love and to those that need to hear from you. Lord, I want to be more like you! I know You do not get aggravated at me when I come to you in the wee hours of the morning. I know there are times when you choose not to console me and allow me to "cry it out" while you sit and watch me. Then Lord, there are those times when you pick me up and hold me close so I can feel your heart beat which brings MUCH consolation.(thank you Lord for the revelation that you just gave me while typing this prayer!)
Thank you too blogger world for allowing me to be honest with you and giving you something that you can pray for me about.
2 comments:
Wow. That really hits home for me. There was one Sunday morning that my youth pastor was giving us a lesson a lot like that. He was saying that even when we jokingly tell someone that we hate them that there is some truth to it. We don't just say things for the sake of saying them. Your blog reminded me a lot of that day.
I found you by chance tonight, and I am so glad I did! You literally just told my story here. I have a son that just turned one one Feb.11th and is still waking up once a night. You described all of the thoughts and feelings that I have exactly. I get frustrated because he is my 4th child and it seems like I should have this all down by now! Thank you for helping me see things with a different perspective and helping me see that I am not alone in my feelings.
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